If there ever was somebody who knows how you feel…

There isn’t a single day in which I don’t see some reference to the power of the will, or to how much WE are in control of our lives. Hardly a week goes by without me hearing somebody utter indiscriminately and at the very first chance they got “You are in control of your destiny” or some variation to that effect.

If they keep that shit up, I’m going to start believing it. If I keep seeing more people actually doing what they love and be recognized for it, I might get the impression that I can do it too. If I read one more novel that is so absolutely exquisite that it makes me feel like I’m barely writing at grade-school level, but at the same time teaches me something new, I might even get the delusion that I can write something that can teach someone else something too.

I’ve found out that I am a master of sabotage. And my favorite victim is I. And I am ruthless with me. I can totally keep myself from doing stuff all day long and I can say things to myself to keep me from being productive.

Q: What’s keeping me from writing at least one thousand words each day?
A: Me.

If I did that… let me do the math, although I’m not too good at it (←See what I mean?). Well, a thousand words each day for a whole month is 30,000 words. Mmm, that’s half a novel right there. So technically I can write an average of 6 novels in a year by writing one thousand words everyday. So far I have written 285 words in this little ramp, and it has taken me exactly ten minutes. If I keep writing at this pace, I can have as much as 1700 words on paper, if I do this everyday I can have a full length novel manuscript in 45 days.

Q: Who’s keeping me from doing it?
A: Well, you get the idea.

Me, me, me, me, and no one else but me, and that’s it.

Am I going to write the next great American novel in this fashion in the next 45 days? Maybe not… but maybe yes. Will I know if I don’t give it a shot? Definitely not. What if it takes me more than one shot at it? What if it takes me ten years? Well, I can spend the next ten years (or twenty) writing about one hour a day and see what comes up. As it is I already spend about 8 hours in a job that I don’t really care for. Why not spend some time doing something I actually love?

So there, I said it, I don’t care for my job (although it does pay the bills) but I’ve had jobs that pay the bills for the last 12 years. I really need to get my self to write. Hey look, I just made it to 500 words in half an hour. Not bad.

So it may be up to me after all.